Trump To Produce ‘Squid Game: Border Edition’ Winner Gets Citizenship, Losers Get Deported

Trump Calls It a Huge Leap Forward for Race Relations

Jul 21, 2025

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MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a surprise press conference held outside the ruins of a former Cheesecake Factory (now rebranded as “Camp Liberty: where freedom is mandatory”), Donald J. Trump announced the launch of Squid Game: Border Edition, a high-stakes reality show in which undocumented immigrants compete for the ultimate prize: U.S. citizenship, a Trump-branded green card, and a lifetime supply of Chick-fil-A.

“Some people say it’s cruel,” Trump said, grinning behind a golden bullhorn. “But I say… let them EARN it. America loves a winner.”

The show, produced in partnership with Elon Musk, Peter Thiel, and the spirit of Ronald Reagan (resurrected via AI deepfake), will be streamed exclusively on Truth Social Premium Plus—a $49.99/month service available only to verified patriots.

Each season will feature 456 undocumented contestants, outfitted in stylish red, white and blue jumpsuits emblazoned with barcodes and corporate sponsors (“Cane Sugar Coca Cola Presents: Red Light, Green Card”).

The players will compete in childhood-inspired games like:

Red Light, Green Card
Wall Jumping Simulator
Build-A-Wall Workshop (Sponsored by Home Depot)
ICE Dodgeball
Border Patrol Hide-and-Seek (“Loser gets a one-way Greyhound ticket to Guatemala.”)

The final round? A live debate against Ben Shapiro.

In English.

The VIPs

The games will take place in an undisclosed “Patriot Zone” near El Paso, Texas—an air-conditioned, militarized HungerDome sponsored by BlackRock, Buc-ee’s, and Spirit Airlines.

VIPs, including tech moguls, hedge fund managers, and Joe Rogan, will watch from luxury skyboxes while sipping ayahuasca martinis and betting on player outcomes using a new federally-backed cryptocurrency called DEPORTCOIN (“America’s most fungible asset”).

Elon Musk has already purchased naming rights to the arena, tentatively titled X-Dome (formerly Cherokee Memorial Stadium). He posted on X:

“Player 420 better fucking win. America’s entire social security budget is riding on him.”

Hosted by President Donald J. Trump

Not content with merely producing the show, Trump has cast himself as the Host—a role he describes as “Simon Cowell meets George Washington meets second coming of Jesus Christ.”

Each episode opens with an AI-generated video of Trump speaking in front of a CGI bald eagle, followed by a slow-motion helicopter descent into the arena.

In one teaser, Trump proclaims:

“This is the most legal thing I’ve ever done. Which isn’t saying much!”

Sources close to the production say Trump will also control “The Button”—a literal red button he can press to eliminate contestants mid-challenge. “It’s very humane,” he said. “Instant deportation. We call it The Bye-Bye Button.”

“I’m like Jesus at the border. I’m giving them a chance at citizenship. Nobody’s ever done that before. Except maybe the Pope. And he’s very Mexican-friendly.”

Political Reactions

Kamala Harris released a strongly worded memo expressing concern about “the weaponization of game mechanics in immigration policy.”

The Nancy Pelosi tracker on X claims Pelosi made $4 million overnight by investing in the tear gas supplier for Episode 3, however, an X community note claims it was higher.

After denouncing the show on Instagram Live, AOC was added to the contestant list by executive order. “She talks a big game,” Trump said, “let’s see if she can win one.”

Zohran Mamdani was arrested at LaGuardia after a woman on his flight accused him of ‘doing another 9/11.’ He was immediately reassigned as a contestant.